To fit in or to stand out?

That is the question....

Do you remember when you were at school, being desperate to fit in? You just had to have the right hair or shoes or school bag. How about a time when someone made fun of you simply because something about you was different?

What’s interesting is that we don’t grow out of that. Not really. We continue to want to fit in long after we’ve left school. We continue to worry about what others will think of us. Even now, we can think of moments when we hesitated - when we didn't speak up, or ask that question, or throw in that idea because someone might judge us for it.

But, here’s the thing. Although we live in a world where people are nervous to be themselves, we also live in a world that wants us to stand out. Podcasts, books, job interviews want to know: ‘who are you?' 'how are you different?’, ‘what makes you stand out from the crowd?’ We're expected to be authentic, unique, different. The very opposite of the blending in we've tried to do for so long.

So how do we do it? How do we find balance between two sides of the same coin? How do we navigate the tension between nervousness and embracing who we are?

We're hearing a lot about vulnerability. I know many who don’t like that word. Some see it as provocative. The actual dictionary definition doesn’t help much: ‘exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally’.

But by that very definition, aren’t we all vulnerable a lot of the time? Particularly when it comes to emotional vulnerability and this constant fear of letting ourselves down in the eyes of others. This leads to a fascinating realisation - we’re not only vulnerable out of the crowd, we're vulnerable in the crowd too.

So, what are our choices? We can stay quiet. We can hold back. Again. But that disquiet and unease within ourselves will only grow. Or, we can choose to do something different. We can take a step towards the vulnerability. Yes, it will feel uncomfortable, yes, it will feel scary. But what is the alternative? I'll tell you. While we're hesitating and holding back, life continues around us. Our life continues. One in which we are actively choosing not to participate.

You tell me....which is the scarier choice?

Unless we take risks, unless we put ourselves out there, little changes. As the quote goes 'A ship in the harbour is safe, but that is not what it was built for.'